I’m literally feeling sick to my stomach. I’m angry, upset and in pain. I’m completely peopled out and, right now, I don’t want to socialise. Right now I don’t want to be nice. Right now I don’t want to smile or joke. Right now I want to both cry my eyes out and scream at the top of my lungs. Right now I wish I didn’t have to go to work. Right now.. I wish I didn’t feel all these feelings so much they make me feel physically ill.
I’m tired of accommodating other people’s feelings. Trying not to hurt them, trying not judge them. Yet everyone else continues to do exactly the opposite towards me.. Everyone else feels entitled to tell me how I’m doing it wrong, how stupid I am, how much I’m fucking shit up. How I’m doing this mom thing wrong.
“You should let him cry” “you shouldn’t pick him up so much” “you feed him too soon” “he should sleep in his own room”
How about I do me and you do you. Ok? No? Well, fuck off if you don’t like it.
Right now, I’m going through some things that are too much for me to handle without feelings so sick. A while ago I discovered we had fleas, everything needs to be cleaned and washed. My home got compared to my mother her dog pre ridden chalet. Then I got told off for “living with my in-laws when I said I didn’t want to” and when I said I didn’t live with them I got raged at for living in a cloud of poison, which I didn’t either. After that the hairdresser I went to completely ruined my hair, I woke up Sunday with an infected tooth, I have to prep myself to wean my son and let him sleep in his own bed because I need my wisdom teeth removed and now my milk supply dropped. And it’s just too damn much.
I am quite literally on the verge of losing my shit and if it weren’t for my painkillers I’d have a raging migraine right now.
I’m tired, so tired, of people telling me what to do and judging me without even listening to the whole story.
So, I’m peopled out. I don’t feel emotionally stable to go to work but I have to go. I don’t want people to do behind my back exactly that what I ask them not to do. I don’t want to hear, 5 times in the span of a minute, if I want a drink I have to get it myself. Just let me do my own thing. I’m not stupid, I know what I’m doing. I’ve been on my own for a long time, I got this. And I certainly don’t need anyone’s unsolicited advice.